I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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