When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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