i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
