Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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