if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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