It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
