you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
