Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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