Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
