i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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