Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
