im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
