Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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