you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
