Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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