Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
