no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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