If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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