We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
