Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
