Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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