I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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