i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
