Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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