True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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