Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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