What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
