Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
