she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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