After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
