I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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