just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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