Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
