So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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