So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
