I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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