Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
