I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
