Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
