She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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