And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
