i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
