Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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