so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
