chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
