Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
