Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
