Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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