wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
