I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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