Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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