Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
