i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
