my sisters under your porch take her home
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
