Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
