real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
