he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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