so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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