A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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