I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
