im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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