He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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