Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
